Cop work can be so funny!

Hey!  Thank you in advance for coming to my blog during your busy day.  I am truly grateful!  I love it when people read what I write and I love it more that writing will help stave off “old timers”.

Anywho, I was a cop for over 24 years and I have many “war stories” to tell and street, law knowledge to impart.  I really don’t know where to start so I think  i’ll just start at the beginning.  I never envisioned myself as a cop.  My Pop was a cop in the Air Force but I never saw my wide behind carrying a gun for a living.

I actually had moved to California to become an entertainer as I had won thirteen comedy contests in Texas where I was a high school teacher and at one point even had an agent who got me gigs with Gloria Estevan and Chaka Khan to name a few.   I even took over for a budding comedian who was not really cutting it as the opening act for Jack Wagner of General Hospital fame so I got hired…that comediennes name?  Roseanne Barr!

I was a big fish in a small pond in the Valley of Texas, I became a guppy in the ocean when I came to California.  After exhausting most of my resources I realized that it does take like eleven years to become an overnight success…but my bills were not going to wait .  While flipping through channIls i saw an ad that the Santa Ana Police Department was hiring police officers.  I never met a cop I thought was all that smart so I thought I could become one in like what, a month.  Boy, was I wrong.

After the initial oral interviews then the written test where only like four of us moved on from about one hundred I ended up at the polygraph exam.  One of the questions I was asked was if I had ever had sex with animals.  I thought they were pulling my leg because I had put that I was a comedian on my application.  I quickly responded, “Well, I’ve had some of them bark like a dog…and ohh wait…there was this sheep once and I needed a sweater…”  Complete, deathly silence then the guy says, “this is a real question.”  I got as nervous as a pregnant nun and say, “Of course not that’s nasty!”  He gets a smile and continues.  I just know I’m fired before I get hired.

Haaa….I gotta tell y’all about one of my oral answers I received from Police officials when I asked how many black officers there were on the force.  The Middle Eastern Sgt. who spoke fluent Spanish says, “Well, there’s Moon Hill, Poopsie, Lovely, White Label, and I could not focus on the other names after that because I thought he was spouting out slave names.  I got to know all of these officers and i learned that at least half the officers on a police department have a nickname but during the interview i wondered what my slave name would be…”Joker”, “Tar Baby”,  “Spear Chucker Jones” the list was endless.  But I had to get the job first.

For this first blog I just want everyone who thinks it must be easy just to become an officer because of how many of them are so   ” bad”  to know that  before one can even get to a police academy he/she has passed a written, running,oral,psyche and polygraph exam.  Out of a thousand who apply for the police department my unofficial number who actually become cops is less than three hundred.

I plan on explaining the job and discussing current events on my little blog…please check in regularly and tell your friends about it…

Thanks again in advance…and always remember:

Don’t take life so seriously you’ll never get out of it alive.

Matt/Sky/Cat